Originally published March 2017

Welcome to What Did I Just Watch? a spontaneously new series of articles for DagonDogs.com. Here, I'll mention and discuss various movies or shows that I've never seen before, but curiosity led me down the road of no return. Regardless of whether it's from a streaming service or a DVD slipped under the door, if the movie was weird or different enough to make me ask the titular question, I'll likely mention it here. For the inaugural article, let's take a look at the teen-action (horror?) film, The Wraith.

What is it?

The Wraith kept popping up on my Netflix streaming list under the Horror category. It caught my attention every time because of the ridiculous car in the image and the ominous driver standing next to it. Plus, its title had the classic chrome font that was so common with ’80s Americana. It regarded itself as a horror movie, and the synopsis sort of read like one, but when the movie started, I knew this was something else.

The Wraith is a revenge story about a guy who came back from the dead to get revenge on the street gang members who murdered him. It's like The Crow, if The Crow took place in a bright, sun-lit region of Arizona, was partially an advertisement for Dodge cars, and if it managed to get its star actor to have significantly less screen time than even Brandon Lee. Considering how the accident in the filming of The Crow killed Lee mid-way through the production of the film, it's quite impressive how much The Wraith has accomplished.

Charlie Sheen, though top-billed for this movie, has less than 30 minutes of on-screen time. He's one of the main characters, though he showed up for only a day's worth of shooting. I'm fairly certain this movie was made right when his career was taking off, but he had signed a contract or owed someone a favor, that forced him to show up for this trash heap. When he's in it, he's not that interesting either—must have been before his meth days, but I digress.

The film opens with the titular wraith forming when some spiritual lights in the desert collide on the roads somewhere in Arizona. He manifests in a shocking flash with his stupid-looking Dodge concept car and quickly disappears into the night. Then we're introduced to the "villains" which are a bunch of troublesome reprobates who go around racing people and taking their cars from them. I think they're supposed to be teenagers or 20-somethings, but every one of them looks over 30, especially their leader. After a dull race sequence, we're introduced to the main love interest who is approached by the new guy in town, Jake (Charlie Sheen). They chat briefly, and then the mid-life crisis murderer shows up in his Dodge and takes the lady to a swimming hole nearby. Jake shows up, meets some other forgettable dude, and flirts with the teenage woman some more when the 40-something psychopath isn't looking. Where's this going, right?

Cut ahead, the evil, middle-aged roadster, and his gang are challenged to a race by the wraith in his dumb car. One guy accepts, races, and then the wraith suddenly disappears in the middle of the race, only to reappear parked directly in the middle of the road. The forgettable henchman crashes and dies. Randy Quaid shows up as the sheriff and examines the body to find that he's not damaged anywhere, except his eyes are missing and the sockets are black. It's like his soul escaped, ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoo.

After that, it's a series of scenes you could pretty much predict ahead of time all the way to the end of the movie. More races, more crashes, more Randy Quaid wondering who the wraith is, more forced romance, and more poorly done ‘80s comic relief. The action is mostly just dull, poorly shot car races. The rest of it is by-the-books scenes of different genres. Scenes with Charlie Sheen are almost exclusively the typical romance stuff from that era as he tries to woo the only girl in the movie. Randy Quaid is the investigator trying to figure out who the wraith is, so all his scenes consist of a criminal investigation. And the gangsters make up the comic relief as they freak out about who's going to die next.

What makes it stand out?

This movie is a bit of a time capsule for the ‘80s and has a few things about it worth mentioning.

Suspension of Disbelief

Low-budget ‘80s films were exercises in suspending your disbelief. They asked a lot of their audience to forgive, and The Wraith is no different. Charlie Sheen's character, Jake, is supposed to be the wraith, back from the dead to get revenge on the soon-to-retire street gang. Except, the movie tries to play it off like it's a mystery. It tries so hard, that it just doesn't really make sense. Jake, in his past life, was Jamie. Jamie was the boyfriend of the main girl and brother to the dude we meet at the swimming hole. Apparently, they must look different because no one recognizes him or says anything about it. What makes it more difficult to digest is that we learn who he is through flashbacks.

Unlike in good films, where we actually get to know the character before the tragedy strikes, The Wraith decided it would be best to introduce us to this vengeful spirit years after his death when everyone forgot what he actually looked like. Maybe the filmmakers wanted to do more with the character, but Charlie Sheen was only available for 2 days out of the 28 they were going to shoot the film. There was simply no time for a back story.

The Most ‘80s You Can Get

The soundtrack, the colors, the effects, and the clothes are very representative of the decade. The soundtrack in particular is mostly made up of different rock and pop songs of the era. There's a bit of Ozzy Osbourne, Stan Bush, and Lion in there. It's all meant to match the emotional, but rebellious youth this movie is targeted at, much like how The Crow was targeting the goth/metal crowd of the ‘90s. At least that's the only reason I can justify their soundtrack selection. As soon as you hear it, you know it's ‘80s.

Also, just look at the styles of these characters. Nothing says 80's punk attitude like a colorful mohawk and a dude who drinks brake fluid, or a leopard-print bandana.

Dodge Commercial

A good drinking game rule would be to drink any time you see a Dodge or Chrysler vehicle on-screen. It's a good rule because it's probably the only one you would need. This whole movie is about revenge against guys who are too old and not cool enough to ride motorcycles—the movie never says that, I just interpret it that way. So, they drive cars that they steal or cheat out of people in the area. For whatever reason, almost every car in the movie is a Dodge vehicle, including the car of the wraith. The wraith's vehicle is a concept car from Dodge that I don't think was ever reproduced, which is certainly for the best.

Before moving on, I want to pose a few hypothetical questions about this car and what happens to it by the end. If this is a one-of-a-kind car, and you know that no other car like it exists, would you give this to someone as a gift if you didn't have a use for it? You might say "yes" or "no" here and either answer would be innocent enough, but I'll ask a follow-up question that might change the meaning.

What if you used this car in your revenge-fueled murders and the police clearly saw it and know what it looks like? Who would you give it to then? A friend, or an enemy? There's no other car like it. It was seen in multiple instances regarding the murders of 40-year-old youths. If a cop in the area saw someone driving this car around, I'm fairly certain they'd think they had their murder investigation wrapped up immediately.

Clint Howard & Randy Quaid

The two best actors of the movie, Clint Howard and Randy Quaid don't necessarily carry this movie, but they do their best in the roles they're given. Randy Quaid is stuck with the archetypal law-enforcement character who doesn't like the people who are being killed, but he doesn't want to sit idle while some ghost is going around killing them. There are plenty of moments in the movie where he's clearly just reading his script—because the script is bad—but his delivery at least adds a bit of class and character to the crappy writing that is fitting for the movie. He doesn't outshine anyone or try to rescue this mess, he just does a good job with the role he's given.

As for Clint Howard, well, just look at this guy.

He's given more work than Charlie Sheen, and it's for the best. Like Randy Quaid, he's not really fixing the broken mess of The Wraith, but he's adding a bit of fun to it that makes it more watchable.

Hero is the Villain/Genre Bend

Chances are, you've seen or heard of The Crow before I mentioned it here. While The Crow came out after The Wraith, it's the more well-known story about a guy who was killed and brought back to life for a chance at revenge. That being said, The Crow makes more sense as a horror film due to its style and themes, considering how dark it is. The Wraith, meanwhile, is bright and hardly as ominous. Most of it takes place during the Arizona daytime, including the scenes where the wraith kills his victims. There's nothing that is even attempting to be scary about this movie. It just happened to follow the formula of a slasher film, except for the fact that the killer was the hero.

There are plenty of revenge movies, but not many that follow the slasher formula like this. It's funny because the "hero" is on screen about as much as the serial killer of those movies. The deaths aren't violent or gruesome like those movies, but it still somewhat follows that familiar formula, which is probably how it ended up in the "horror" category. If there's anything interesting about The Wraith, it's the weird identity crisis it seems to have.

Other Weirdness

I'm just going to list out the other stuff that was a little bizarre.

• The characters in the opening race are given almost as many lines as Charlie Sheen but are never seen again for the rest of the movie.

• Did restraining orders not exist in the ‘80s? What about assault charges or racketeering? Should have been enough to get rid of the gang leader, since the sheriff seemed to know where to find him all the time.

• Were the gang underlings the inspiration for Beavis & Butthead?

• Why does no one recognize Jake/Jamie? Does he look that different from when he was previously alive? Why does he look different anyway?

Is It Worth Seeing?

Despite the fact that The Wraith is a weird little road trip through the ‘80s and serves as a proper time capsule for the decade, it's still a predictable and bland drive. Once you get over the typical ‘80s-ness of the film, it's not very exciting. The Wraith was filmed in less than a month's time and it shows. The races are boring. The characters are either comic book archetypes or blank slates with no personality. It does at least put context to a car in Saints Row: The Third. Only worth watching for the most curious.

Do you agree or disagree? Tell me what you think in the comments!

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