Originally published August 2017

Even though the story of Harry Potter has been told and completed through a total of 8 movies, 7 books, and countless video games, people are still eager to consume the deep rich lore of the Harry Potter universe. J.K. Rowling has authored a few spin-offs and given permission for people to write crappy plays about cursed children. There is also the story that Rowling is involved in and it is expected to spawn a new generation of stories in the Potter universe: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. This particular story takes place in the past, and over the course of several other films, viewers will get the chance to see the events of Voldemort's ascension to power. Does this particular formula sound familiar? It sounds like another big franchise that went back in time and made some prequel movies. The question is, will these films be good enough to avoid the prequel curse, or will they disappoint fans the same way it has happened with other big film series?

I admit that I am not the biggest Harry Potter fan. I enjoyed the books up to a certain point, but grew tired of the characters and the main story by the last book. The film adaptations also never impressed me too much. I thought they were fun enough, but they always felt a little mediocre. Despite the praise from fans and high production value, the movies all felt a little formulaic to me and were only as good as the actors could take it. They did a great job with the casting and the actors involved we incredible, but over time, I've grown to dislike the movies simply due to their somewhat uninspired regurgitation of the source material. With that disclaimer out of the way, you might be able to guess the level of my expectations coming into Fantastic Beasts.

Pros

• Creature designs are imaginative and interesting

• Cool to see some different settings in the magical universe

• The fact that there is no school year to tie things down allows for a change in the pace and structure

• Music is similar to the John Williams themes but manages to do its own thing in a good way

• Some comedic moments work

Cons

• None of the characters are very interesting; only one that's likable

• Main plot lines don't really line up or intersect; they just crash into each other in the final act

• A lot of contrived little solutions to even more contrived problems

• Despite the opportunity to use a new pace and structure, it needs a proper pace and structure to keep things interesting

• Deus Ex Bird

• Suffers from the stupid audience syndrome: they have to explain everything to us or we won't get it

Plots & Thoughts

If you look at the pros and cons, you may have noticed that my praise is mostly with the superficial details, while my criticism lies with the more structural problems that Fantastic Beasts has. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them has two primary storylines that are destined to meet at some point. There is a bigger social problem with some malevolent force in the form of a guy named Grindelwald, who is something of a wizard anarchist, trying to bring the magic and non-magic world together. The skew of his intentions is that he thinks wizards and witches shouldn't hide from the world, but should rule it—you've certainly heard that villainous plot before. That's not the story we focus, on though.

The story we actually focus on for most of the film is a much "smaller" affair and fits the name of the movie. Newt (short for something else I don't care to remember) is a neurotic wizard from the UK who landed in New York in 1926 and just can't seem to keep his mystical creatures in his magic suitcase. He has to set out and recapture the missing beasts, but other people keep getting in the way. From the title and the previews, it was pretty obvious that this child-friendly plot was going to be a majority of the movie, full of goofy antics and silly circumstances. What fun!

Right away, I have a problem with how the movie has been structured. The primary story is about following some doofus around who has a strange collection of animals in his Mary Poppins suitcase, and getting annoyed with him or annoyed along with him as new inconveniences rear their heads in the form of a demoted wizard police officer (aka Auror), the government officials with their harsh and conveniently cruel laws, or the beasts themselves. The collection of animals is the primary problem and goal for the main characters for a majority of the movie, while the other story sits idly in the background until it's convenient to create some actual conflict. Considering the tones of the two different stories and where it all ends up going, it feels like two different movies smashed into one. The stuff that's about collecting the lost creatures is lighthearted, whimsical, and sentimental. Everything else is dark, awkward, and weird. It's actually a dead giveaway when the movie is focusing on the secondary story by how uncomfortably off-putting it all is. Except, every time we move over to the secondary story, nothing of significance appears to be actually happening.

Grindelwald is supposed to be up to something, I guess, and there are some mysterious disturbances occurring in New York that even the wizards can't explain. It, of course, ends up being a far more pressing and disastrous issue than finding some lost pets, but next to nothing of importance in relation to this big looming problem takes place until the final act of the movie. In most movies, where there is some antagonistic force, the villains are shown doing something of interest when not focused on the plights of the heroes. The acts of the villain will typically come to fruition later in the movie and everything will be revealed; even Star Wars gets that right in its lowest moments. However, Fantastic Beasts prefers to keep us in the dark and doesn't want to let the mystery slip too early. There's some activity, sure, but it's so vague, it's practically worthless.

Here's the thing, even though I said there was a mystery, the main characters are not concerned with it for the majority of the film. They're barely aware of an antagonist, let alone his aspirations for the thing that is causing havoc in 1920s New York. That mystery is just for us, the viewers, as the main heroes remain busy doing their own thing. Unfortunately, the mystery about the villain isn't much fun either. It gives us clues, but we can't play along as detectives. Since we're just humans who don't know what an "obscura" is, we need the magical terms defined for us before we can venture a guess. When you read a Sherlock Holmes mystery, the clues are laid out and defined as quickly as Holmes finds them so you can use your basic logic and knowledge to solve the case with him. Also, a Holmes story is more interesting because the protagonists are actively interested in solving the case. Sure enough, once the film defines what an "Obscura" actually is, it becomes pretty easy to solve the "mystery" through the process of elimination, but we have to wait for another hour before everyone else figures it out, or even starts to care. Even then, with the mystery solved by the end of the movie, I still didn't quite know what the hell the villain was trying to do.

Even though I mentioned that there is a villain, his presence is pretty minimal. There's barely an antagonist to feed the conflict, just inconveniences. Since we aren't privy to characters who are actively involved in the awkward mystery, and just think they are, we have to follow along with the story of them capturing the lost beasts. This would be more acceptable if the characters we were stuck with were more interesting. Aside from the muggle—or "No-Maj" as they call him because, apparently, Americans are not creative enough to come up with their own term for a non-magic person that isn't some hyphenated contraction—the characters range from lame to boring. The biggest saving grace of this film is the one guy who can't use magic simply because he seems the most earnest and normal, and because he provides humor to the situation with his colorful reactions to magical nonsense.

Meanwhile, the former Auror, Tina, is a mixture of confusingly bland and pathetic. A majority of her actions in the first part of the film are meant to impede Newt's progress in capturing his creatures. When he first runs into Tina, he had just managed to get back one creature when he accidentally swapped suitcases—yeah, that old gag—with the only likable character in the movie. She quickly asserts herself as a person of magical authority, grabs him, and takes him downtown to the local wizard precinct to create the disturbance. When she turns him in, however, she is not praised for her efforts. She is reminded of her demotion, and disregarded, to which she responds by simply appearing meek and sad.

Despite the fact that they tell her to buzz off, she knows that Newt is missing his suitcase and creatures and sets out to help him capture them, but with the intention of turning him in eventually anyway without the actual authority to do so. She's supposed to be a hero in this story, but her intentions are far from noble. Yet, she doesn't act like a clever conniver who is trying to reclaim lost glory and a position as an Auror, she's just some pathetic chump who has these hopes and is using the capricious circumstances to her benefit. I'd buy it more if she were a character who had a real ego and attitude tied to her aspirations. She just seems lost and sad, making her more of a nuisance than a hero, an antagonist, or even an interesting foil for the main character.

The main character is nothing of note either. He's a clueless goof wandering around a city in a country whose laws he doesn't fully grasp, with a faulty suitcase full of critters that he knows are considered dangerous by most wizards. Why is he on such a socially treacherous expedition? That's not fully disclosed till later, but it certainly makes me wonder why he couldn't have gone to all this trouble without bringing his entire collection of critters, considering the risks involved. Or, at the very least, get a better magic suitcase. If he was a smart character and took these considerations, however, we wouldn't have the drama that causes the whole adventure in the first place.

The last thing I'll say is that Fantastic Beasts is full of arbitrary circumstances that are the result of just lame, lazy writing. The first time Tina arrives with Newt at the magic police station ends up being the typical farce that occurs when someone accidentally swaps suitcases. The next time they end up there is even more absurd with some of the swiftest and most ruthless law enforcement that could take place in 1926 USA, with some capital punishment being handed out in the interrogation room to people who are merely guilty by association without any forensic evidence. They may be wizards, but I find it hard to believe that they would have such harsh laws in the "land of the free," even if it was the 20's. Also, the fact that magic can conveniently wipe away all the property damage and memories of witnesses is bound to create some annoying Deus Ex solutions that just feel like cheating.

TL;DR (Conclusion)

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them makes a lot of poor choices that the other Harry Potter films managed to avoid. It has multiple storylines that fail to gracefully intersect with barely a villain to tie it all together. It has bland and annoying characters who are seemingly unaware of the villain's plot and are focused on the more inconsequential events of the film. It has contrived circumstances and arbitrary plot devices to move the story along because no one could come up with better problems or solutions for the characters. The main positive I got out of it was a slightly better appreciation for the previous films of this universe. If this is the beginning of a new saga in the Harry Potter universe, I expect fans will adopt an attitude similar to what Star Wars fans had by the end of Episode III.

Do you agree or disagree? Tell me what you think in the comments!

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