I've Gazed Into the Abyss | Dating Reality Shows

Nietzsche was gave us a stern warning in his book, Beyond Good and Evil: A Prelude to a Philosophy of the Future, from 1886:

“He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”

— Nietzsche

It’s a short statement that has been analyzed over and over by countless people who have pointed out how it can refer to or reflect the conflicts we have within ourselves and how quickly we can become corrupted by our own desires to overcome our struggles or defeat adversaries. It’s a quote that could easily be applied to the politics of today and every person screaming on a Twitter thread. But I’ve come to appreciate this quote in how I could extrapolate another meaning; it can be interpreted as a warning for something else entirely. The deprecation and decay of humanity have no end and the spiral into hell has only tightened and intensified through the ongoing abominations created in our “entertainment,” specifically a genre of reality TV: dating shows.

There is a bit of irony to this revelation for me. A while back, I dove into the deep pool of dating simulation video games. While there were plenty of failures, there were some that managed to tell engaging and emotional stories, with interesting twists. I argued how, even though it’s a bloated genre for video games, there were some decent entries worth defending. On the flip side, I’ve been subjecting myself to the horrors of Reality Television by watching several different shows that claim to be all about love.

I’m not talking about the well-known shows that have been around forever like The Bachelor, which is already of questionable repute. I’m talking about the shows that take it further and pull you deeper into the foul cesspit of modern entertainment. I refer to the shows as “trash” or “filth” when discussing them at home, but I can’t claim that I have not been entertained by them or that I did not engage with them. I would feel more shame from watching if not for the curiosity and schadenfreude I have for the individuals who seem to completely lack it, like many other qualities of humanity that are woefully absent. Shame, logic, morality, and self-respect have been erased by these shows that seem to get more and more depraved and degenerate each year.

I should stop, but I cannot look away. The abyss has me now, for I have leaned too far over the precipice, and thus sealed my fate.

All hyperbolic statements aside, I’m sure you’re wondering to which shows I am referring. What could make him pull a Nietzsche quote out of his ass to justify talking about dating shows? There are four in particular:

Love Island
Love is Blind
90 Day Fiancé - Before the 90 Days
MILF Manor

There’s a good chance you’ve heard of at least one of these shows I’ve listed. Some are on major TV networks and one is even a Netflix show. They all have varying levels of mind-numbing content, but make no mistake: all of them lead down the same path of destruction eventually. They follow individuals on their “journey for love,” be it through orchestrated interactions in confined spaces, or through stilted conversations in foreign countries. Despite all their focus on love, it’s clear that these shows do not have an interest in forming loving, trusting bonds between people. It’s about the drama, the miscommunication, and the sex, regardless of how “real” reality TV is.

First up, Love Island is a more traditional dating show that follows the format of the old MTV show, The Real World. A handful of pretty people are gathered and placed in a luxurious manor with the expectation that having a group of people of the opposite sex in close proximity to each other is bound to form relationships. Within a few minutes of watching, you can figure out how much meaning will be gained from the relationships forged. The people enlisted for Love Island tend to consist of tanned, under-educated, self-absorbed people from the United Kingdom who speak in thick accents and British slang.

I’ve only seen a portion of one season, but I feel like I’ve already invested too many hours in watching these horny, vapid models discuss inconsequential subjects about who likes whom and how they don’t want to get “pied off.” One reason for this is just the fact that I feel my brain melting through my ears as I watch the contestants “romance” each other and do silly party games set up by the production staff. Another reason is that every episode is more than forty minutes long and manages to feel like two hours a piece, and there are far too many episodes in a season. I am entertained by the ridiculousness of the show and the slang that I have to figure out based on contextual clues. However, I couldn’t tell you anything of significance about what happens in the show, who the people are, or how anyone wins for that matter. There is some audience voting mechanic or something that happens in which contestants get voted off, but I don’t know how it works. It’s probably the most benign in terms of drama, but also the most brainless of the shows listed, which is probably why I haven’t gotten very far into it.

Next is Love is Blind, a show on Netflix hosted by former pop singer Nick Lachey and his wife Jessica. I say “hosted,” but they really only show up for a third of the season. Regardless, it’s not about the hosts, it’s about the experiment. What is the experiment? The show operates under the premise of its title that you can fall in love with someone without ever seeing them, counter to the whole love-at-first-sight idea. Contestants of opposing sexes (who are not physically blind) stay in a hotel/facility that has what are commonly called “pods.” The two potential lovers can meet and talk to each other in the pods but have no method of seeing any physical characteristics about them. They’re able to talk about themselves and divulge information to the other, even set up things to be in the room that they can do together, but they still cannot see one another. There are plenty of participants who don’t find a connection, or who just aren’t interesting enough to keep on the show, and they depart. However, those who remain and find someone with whom they connect must propose marriage to the other before meeting in person. Assuming all goes well upon the initial meeting, the couple then goes on a honeymoon and lives with each other for a couple of weeks. The show’s season ends at the altar where we see if that time together has taught them the relationship was real enough to tie the knot or walk away.

It’s a utopian scenario for the hopeless romantics out there who believe that you shouldn’t have to be physically attracted to someone in order to fall in love. The show is suggesting that you can find that same sort of romantic love and connection through simple conversation, similar to a pen pal of the pre-internet age. Of course, this being a reality show that exists purely for the drama, there are plenty of cracks in the relationships that are forged on Love is Blind. Some of the relationships break almost immediately, while others collapse gradually over the course of the show. There was one couple in the first season that was extremely volatile towards each other to the point that their arguments forced them to argue from different rooms in the house; it was akin to arguing from the pods so they didn’t have to look at each other. Somehow, that was an improvement for them, but it also demonstrated how physical interaction and body language can have a profound effect on communication for those who are not used to its absence in a conversation.

Of the four shows on this list, I consider Love is Blind to be the least offensive. There are some people who come out of the Love is Blind experiment intact who seemed genuine and hopeful in a way that didn’t also come across as sad or pathetic. While it’s still a reality show, the fact that some people got married and stayed together after the fact (at the time of writing this) at least demonstrates that there is something positive to take away from it all, unlike the next two shows.

90-day Fiancé is not just a show, it’s a franchise. It functions off the idea that a person in the United States finds love online, or through another means, but that love is in another country. Using 90-day visas, the couple can meet and determine whether they have found ‘true love’ and whether or not it makes sense to go through with the idea of marriage. It was such a jackpot show for TLC, there suddenly were several other shows of a similar quality appearing on the network. Can you believe those letters are supposed to be The Learning Channel? What the hell are we learning anymore? The depths to which humanity will sink for entertainment?

Of the various renditions of 90-day Fiancé, I have seen only a few episodes of each, except for one that I considered to be the most depraved. The Before the 90 Days version of the show follows various couples where marriage hasn’t quite made its way into the relationship and, in fact, focuses on the Americans going to their countries of origin for their significant others to meet them. To give you an idea of what to expect, consider this first example. The first season I watched had a young man named Paul, who lived with his mother in rural America. He was traveling to Brazil to meet his potential soul mate. As a parting gift, his mother gave him a plastic bag with some of her hair…and he was very appreciative of it…

Since then, I’ve seen plenty of other unique individuals like a toxic woman from the East Coast, a gullible fool in love with a Ukrainian woman he’s never seen or talked to on the phone, an older woman who narrowly avoided getting scammed, and a man who puts mayonnaise in his hair because hair gel causes issues for his scalp. There are many more that I haven’t listed but who manage to surprise in their own ways. There are also some people on the show who just make it all a bit too much to tolerate at times and I have to turn it off before my soul leaves my body. And yet, there is now a new show on the block that has reached a new low for Western society. And wouldn’t you know it? It also happens to be produced and shown on TLC.

You saw it in the list. The MILF in MILF Manor does not stand for Many Intelligent Ladies & Friends, or Most Interesting Love Fables, or Male Intellectuals & Loving Females. It’s the meaning that is commonly known as Mother I’d Like to Fornicate, or something along those lines. The premise of this show is similar to Love Island in that it takes a group of people and places them in an exotic villa (in a country that might not have laws that would prevent this bullshit). As with all dating shows, sex is expected or even encouraged. As the show progresses, people do mini-games and get voted off the show, and drama is fabricated by either the contestants or the show staff. The first big twist is that all the women are between the ages of forty and sixty, and all the men are in their twenties or early thirties. The other big twist, which really makes the show reach a new low, is that all those men happen to be the sons of the moms.

So the dating pool is some mothers and their sons… That’s already pretty gross, but the show takes it a step further. The ‘games’ that they play are practically designed to make everyone there look bad and potentially lead to some disturbing moments. The first game made the women grope the bodies of all the male contestants while blindfolded. If the mom could identify which one was her son, she’d win a prize. The idea that a woman would be able to run her hands over a torso and be able to pick out her son without seeing him raises a lot of questions. The fact that some women clearly enjoyed the game in certain ways also raised concerns. It only goes downhill from there with a challenge in which they had to anonymously post something depraved they did to a board and the contestants all had to figure out which one belonged to their mom or son. To give you an idea of what was on the board, one said that they had sex with their son’s best friend. At the time of writing this, only four episodes have been released, and I just wonder where else it could go from here.

Having listed all of these shows, can you understand why the only one in which I have a gentle, curious interest is Love is Blind? It at least feels like a show that presents itself in a way that doesn’t feel like it’s just taking advantage of people or finding the worst sewer monsters possible to create drama. MILF Manor, however, is a level of debaucherous filth that is so disturbing, I cannot look away. It incites the morbid and macabre curiosity within. I just want to know how bad it will get. How far will it go? With all the alcohol the production team is providing the contestants and all the stupid games designed to make the moms and sons ‘bond,’ I can’t help but think the show is determined to make someone pull an Oedipus.

If MILF Manor is the new low, what is lower? The abyss has its hold on me. I cannot escape. I must see where it leads and go deeper out of sheer desire to understand the creature known as human. In the hollow emptiness and endless obsidian nightmare, can we ever find the bottom?

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