Thir13en Ghosts is guilty of several sins. First and most obviously, it does the stupid thing where it puts a number into the official spelling of its title, which was common enough to be a trend in both film and video games for a good fifteen years. It also happens to be a horror remake released in the early 2000s, which—as I’ve mentioned before—was probably one of the worst decades in horror movie history. It was an era in which remakes were constantly being pumped out and the vast majority of them were terrible. It’s also guilty of the same sins as countless other films from its era of having stupid characters, bad computer-generated effects, and an unbelievable plot with cheesy dialogue. So why then does Thir13en Ghosts have a diehard cult fanbase?

WHAT IS IT?

Thir13en Ghosts is something of a mystery thriller. It starts off with a very dramatic opening scene in which a clearly evil wealthy man named Cyrus (F. Murray Abraham)—he has an ascot and a cane to let you know how evil he is—is hunting a dangerous ghost in a junkyard. There are countless men dressed as members of a SWAT team accompanying him in the task. We have to assume they are all working for Cyrus in this situation and are obviously fodder for the threat ahead. Among the people assisting Cyrus is Dennis Rafkin (Matthew Lillard). Dennis has psychic powers and experiences visions when he touches something or someone. Eventually, the ghost is successfully captured inside a strange box, but Cyrus is killed in the process and we are treated to the opening credit sequence that involves a well-done revolving shot.

We’re then introduced to Arthur (Tony Shalhoub) and his family. As we learn in the credits sequence, he had a happy suburban life with his wife until she tragically died in a fire. This was an event that sent his life into a downward spiral of depression and unpaid bills, forcing him and his kids to live in a tiny city apartment. During a chaotic breakfast with his son, Bobby (Alec Roberts), daughter, Kathy (Shannon Elizabeth), and babysitter he should fire because she’s bad at her job, Maggie (Rah Digga), a lawyer shows up at his front door. It turns out that Arthur is Cyrus’ nephew and he is the sole heir to Cyrus’ estate and belongings, which happens to include a very weird house out in the middle of nowhere. When he goes to the house to see what has been left to him, there appears to be a lot more going on than the lawyer or Cyrus’ video were letting on. Soon enough, the family ends up trapped inside the strange glass house and the titular ghosts that had been locked up in the basement start to wander the halls.

WHAT MAKES IT A BAD MOVIE?

Thir13en Ghosts is pretty well known as a bad movie. It has low scores on all the movie review websites. Yet, it still has a decent reputation among the public as being worth a watch. I personally know someone who unironically loves this movie, so we’ll get to their justifications in a little bit. First, let’s just lay out the various factors that make Thir13en Ghosts a bad film.

All characters are boring or one-dimensional
Side characters (especially the ‘kids’ and babysitter) are annoying and stupid in a very cliche sense
Plot twists abound that all hinge on everything working exactly as planned
Digital effects look terrible
The entire master plan is undone by an extremely stupid mistake made by a brilliant mastermind who planned for everything—in addition to other reasons the finale sucks
Inconsistent ghost behavior
Clearly a PG-13 movie that decided to add f-bombs, tits, and gore to be R-rated for no discernible reason
Overacting and underacting from the cast

WHY THE BAD DOESN’T MATTER

So all those issues I listed are significant problems Thir13en Ghosts has. Frankly, when I saw it for the first time back in 2001, even I understood I was watching trash. Yet, like many others, I couldn’t find the desire to immediately look away. It wasn’t train-wreck garbage like Battlefield Earth or something of that quality in which it’s almost sadistically terrible. It’s just bad and obviously bad. So what makes up for all the flaws? What makes me and countless others forgive the overacting of Matthew Lillard, forgive all the contrivances of the plot, forgive all the stupid behavior of the different characters, and forgive how the movie just wraps itself up with a convenient little bow of bullshit? Quite simply, it’s the ghosts themselves.

Of the twelve specters that inhabit the house when the family gets there, only one ghost is uninventive in its design, and that’s intentional. The plot of Thir13en Ghosts centers around a ritual involving twelve ghosts of the “black zodiac” with their own names like The Hammer, The Jackal, etc. Each ghost has a very involved design centered around how they fit into this zodiac they represent. While the movie does very little to establish the lore around each ghost and their sign, it’s clear that a lot of thought went into how they appear and act within the movie. In fact, there’s more lore about each ghost on the internet both officially and in fan wikis to add to their design.

Would the additional lore, had it been included in the film’s runtime, save the movie? No. Nonetheless, the ghosts in their designs and makeup effects manage to be immediately memorable and interesting in their own right. If you don’t quite understand why just the designs and suggested lore would be enough to make people look the other way from all the obvious flaws of Thir13en Ghosts, consider other franchises that have their own lore and background to characters to keep your interest. The immediate personal example that comes to my mind is Twisted Metal, a car-combat video game franchise from the 1990s and early 2000s. Twisted Metal had its own set of villains and monsters, but with the release of Twisted Metal Black, I was way more interested because the developers put a ton of effort into the character designs and backstory. The gameplay was fine, but nothing amazing to make me a die-hard fan. It actually was the extra lore around each character that pulled me in. Likewise, the original John Wick immediately hooked me with all of its implied lore and rules of the Wick underworld. It didn’t need to explain much—it was better when it didn’t—but it gave me enough to latch onto to become a fan. These sorts of things don’t necessarily make up for the flaws of bad stories or boring characters, but it’s enough to keep you interested.

POTENTIAL REDEMPTION?

If you’ve read this whole article up to this point and still don’t believe Thir13en Ghosts has a cult following, consider the fact that a streaming show (as of September 2023) is in the works to explore the origins of the individual ghosts. While Thir13en Ghosts is a remake of the William Castle film 13 Ghosts from the 1960s, the show will be based on the ghosts specifically from the remake. Despite the fact that the movie is undeniably bad, this sort of thing wouldn’t happen if there wasn’t an established fan base.

Now, keep in mind that at the time I’m writing this article, the writers and actors are striking in Hollywood—for wages they don’t deserve because they have created barely anything of value in the past five years. Regardless of where you stand on the issue, the fact remains that the show may never happen because nothing can be done until the strike is over. If it wasn’t clear already, I don’t have much faith in anything being adapted for entertainment by Hollywood or streaming services these days, but you never know…

TL;DR

Thir13en Ghosts is undeniably a bad movie. There are far too many qualities about it that you simply can’t ignore. It’s not even terribly bad in a way that it’s fun and something Rifftrax would make fun of. However, the ghosts and their creative designs are enough to make the movie worth at least a single viewing. Who knows? You might become a fan yourself.

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