As you might know, if you frequent this website, I enjoy the occasional ‘bad’ movie. Sometimes bad movies have a bit of entertainment value to them in their campiness and bad acting. But what about those ‘bad’ movies that aren’t actually bad? Every once in a while, a movie comes along that seems to tell you exactly what it is and what to expect from its title alone, only to then pleasantly surprise you with the quality of its writing and comedy. This was the case for me with Wolfcop as it was for Frankenhooker. Yet again, this was the case for me with Big Ass Spider.

What Is It?

A friendly, neighborhood exterminator with a cocky and awkward personality, Alex Mathis (Greg Grunberg), quickly finds himself caught up in the extermination job of his lifetime. After being bit by a spider during a job and sitting in the emergency room of a hospital, a hospital employee comes out of the morgue claiming that a giant spider bit him. In an effort to avoid the expensive hospital bill, Alex convinces the administrators to have him take care of the pesky spider as payment for their services. Coming to his aid in this task, the best side-kick he could have asked for, Jose Ramos (Lombardo Boyar) tags along. However, they soon discover this is not an ordinary spider. It’s big, deadly, and growing larger with each passing minute. As soon as the military shows up, it’s clear that things are likely to get out of hand.

What Makes It Stand Out?

Clever Writing and Comedy

What really makes Big Ass Spider a movie worth more than its title is the writing and humor. This could have been another typical B-movie on the level of Two-Headed Shark Attack, Sand Sharks, Sharknado, or any shark movie that isn’t Jaws. It’s not that there isn’t entertainment to be found in those films. I know that Sharknado, in particular, acted as a gateway drug for a lot of people who hadn’t previously experienced the joy of watching dumb B-movies.

The difference between Big Ass Spider and something that benefits almost entirely from its absurd premise, like the shark movies I mentioned, is that the characters of Big Ass Spider actually do and say things that are legitimately funny on their own. The banter from Jose, in particular, is pretty entertaining in its own right, but there are plenty of other moments that are funny as well. There’s a scene in which Alex tries to bribe a cop and it goes sour. There’s also an elevator scene where Alex and Jose improvise a song and dance number together, which predated the one good scene from the 2014 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie in which the turtles did the same thing. I’m not saying that Michael Bay ripped off Big Ass Spider, but if he did, he should have done it more.

Perhaps one of my favorite moments is just when Alex and Jose are trying to rescue people who have been trapped in the spider’s den to be eaten by the newborn spider spawn. As they run to escape, Alex turns around to help a woman running towards them. She takes two steps before she’s enveloped in spiders. Alex manages to yell out some encouragement before interrupting himself with the line “Oh my god, she’s dead” as the woman is still screaming and fighting off spiders and clearly not dead yet. Obviously, describing comedy on paper doesn’t do a scene justice, but that’s one of the easier examples to further my point that Big Ass Spider is not just a self-aware B-movie. It’s a comedy that’s actually trying.

Jose

I don’t mean to be hyperbolic, but Jose is single-handedly the best part of Big Ass Spider. Similar to how I felt about Majima in Yakuza Kawami, Jose is THE personality of the film and probably the character to whom I feel the most attached. Lombardo Boyar has the charisma to capture every scene he’s in with his rather stereotypical portrayal of a Mexican immigrant security guard. If you don’t get annoyed by stereotypical caricatures, Jose is almost guaranteed to make you laugh. The lines he gets and the delivery of his lines are comedically timed in a way that make Jose immediately quotable.

I don’t want to spoil any of his jokes for the sake of backing up my argument for why I love this character so much. I’ll just say that Jose is the character for whom I feel the most appreciation and adoration. He’s charming and funny and adds the right comedic balance to the other characters.

What Are The Drawbacks?

Factually Ridiculous

If you know anything about spiders, do not be surprised when the titular monster appears on-screen as something that only barely resembles an arachnid. It’s entirely computer-generated and looks as bad as you would expect from a movie like this. What’s more, its method of murder, its anatomy, and its shrieking roar are factually blasphemous. That doesn’t bother me, personally, but if you are a person who gets annoyed while watching something that you know is completely inaccurate (i.e. shows like House or ER that don’t actually follow the correct procedures that doctors, nurses, and EMTs follow in reality), you might take issue with Big Ass Spider. Frankly, I don’t know why you’d watch it, to begin with, if factual accuracy is important to you. The name should tell you what to expect.

Typical Movie Nonsense

Again, I feel this drawback is somewhat redundant when you consider the type of movie you’re watching. The name should give you an immediate idea as to how much the filmmakers care about making a fine-tuned, example of cinema perfection. Things like the durability of the protagonists versus unnamed characters, or how problems are easily resolved for the sake of the plot, or how a love story is supposed to form between the male and female protagonists—when there was no opportunity for them to develop a relationship—are on full display here. Big Ass Spider is not going to wow you with any big plot twists or carefully choreographed action scenes. It’s not going to shake the mold of archetypes for all of its less-important characters. It’s just meant to be an entertaining, dumb movie about a big spider causing destruction in Los Angeles.

TL;DR (Conclusion)

Big Ass Spider wears its colors on its sleeve but is full of surprises. It’s a goofy, fun film that happens to have some genuinely funny moments thanks to some charismatic acting and clever writing that is far better than the movie deserves. If you don’t like watching B-movie trash ironically or unironically, I don’t think Big Ass Spider is going to shake you from your current position. However, If you even moderately enjoy the occasional self-aware horror film, it should bring you a good amount of enjoyment other B-movies struggle to achieve.

Dagon Dogs Posts